Spike Makes A Bologna Sandwich
by Tailsfan55
Summary: Just an innocent story about Spike making a bologna sandwich. Nothing else happens, I swear. Okay, well, maybe a few other things do. Warning: this is a crackfic! It's very random, and if you dare, step into my lair, and see what kind of madness I've cooked up this time. It all started with a dream, and from there, things took a strange turn...


**Spike Makes A Bologna Sandwich (Nothing Else Happens, Don't Question it)**

**Started On 10-6-14 And Finished On 8-10-15**

**Disclaimer:I don't MLP:FIM, only this story...**

Spike ran through the forest, wincing as all the Technicolor tree branches slapped him in the face and testicles, which had been rock hard since earlier that morning. The ground shook, as something big and heavy bounded after him.

"Get back here, ya thievin' varmint!" A deep voice bellowed, belonging to the pony chasing the panicking dragon.

Sure that his life would end soon, he took a moment to reflect on what had led to this disaster of a situation.

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Earlier that Morning…

"Mmm…Just like that…" Spike mumbled, having a dream about having a threesome with Pinkie Pie, Twilight, and Fluttershy.

'Beep, beep, beep!' Spike quickly sat up in bed, hitting his head on the bedpost.

"Ow!" He said, before looking to the side of his bed where Pinkie Pie was standing, smiling like an idiot.

"Hi, Spike!" She tilted her head to the side, curiously. "Why were you sleeping on the ceiling?"

"What? I'm not on the ceiling, you are!" Spike argued, as from his perspective, she was upside down.

All of the sudden, his bed detached from the ceiling with a sticky 'squelch!' He fell face-first onto the floor and his bed followed, crushing him beneath its heavy wooden frame with a sickening crunch. His hand was the only thing visible from underneath, sticking out to the side.

"Oh my gosh! Are you okay?" Pinkie cried, somehow sliding the bed off of the dragon with her magical powers.

A comically flattened Spike peeled himself off of the floor, and changed back to normal with an audible pop. "What the Hay, Pinkie! Why was my bed on the ceiling?" Spike exclaimed, clearly upset about waking up in this manner.

"I wouldn't know what you are talking about…What were you dreaming about?" Pinkie asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Well, I was dreaming about me, you, Twilight, and Fluttershy having a threesome. It was so awesome!" Spike blurted without thinking, covering his mouth with his claws. To his surprise, Pinkie didn't get mad, but instead…fluttered her eyelashes at him?

"You know…I always thought dragons were sexy." Pinkie revealed, in a sultry tone. She stared lustfully at Spike, causing his nether region to enlarge and his penis to punch through the wall into the next room, uncomfortably violating Twilight's eyeball space. "I can see you're ready." Pinkie commented, lifting up her tail and showing her private parts to the dragon.

He got even more aroused, causing his beanie weenie to enlarge. Twilight backed up out of its path and breathed on it, to test its reaction. It whipped back into Spike's body like a tape measure, slapping him in his face.

Twilight looked hurt, as she peered around the corner at Spike. "What did I do wrong?" She pouted, in an adorable fashion.

Spike shrugged. "Sorry Twi', but you're just not that sexy."

This caused Twilight's head to implode in anger, creating a black hole that sucked Spike and Pinkie Pie into an alternate dimension where the roles of penis and vagina were switched.

"Yeah…nope!" Spike turned around and walked through a door marked as the exit, which led back to their actual dimension, dragging Pinkie Pie with him.

Twilight was waiting in the doorway again, her head in one piece somehow.

Spike blinked, in confusion. "Why have things been so weird around here, lately?"

Pinkie shrugged. "Maybe, you just now noticed!"

Spike was ready to do it now, but there was one obstacle that he had yet to surpass. "Uh, Twilight? Are you gonna leave?"

Twilight nodded, leaving the area…for now.

Pinkie revealed herself once again, re-hardening his shovel, which was about to plunge into her soil.

"Let's do some gardening!" Spike shouted, thrusting into her.

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Some time later…

Spike was finishing the job, about to shoot his load into her, but something went wrong. A magical blue aura surrounded his body at the moment he released his seed, causing his orgasm to be so strong, that his soul was expelled into her womb with it. His body crumpled to the ground, now just an empty husk.

Pinkie Pie shivered at the pleasant feeling it resulted in, not caring if she was pregnant. She'd probably just bake the kid into her cupcakes, anyway.

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As soon as Spike's soul entered her womb, the pink walls rippled and shifted until the whole cavern looked just like Ponyville. You couldn't tell it was the same place, anymore. It even included Sweet Apple Acres and the Everfree forest!

"What…the…buck…" Spike stated, awed at the sight.

Spike had been walking for a while, when he looked up and saw another Spike flying by above him, except he looked like he had thick, meaty sausages for hands. Some white substance leaked out of them and right into his open mouth that he had just caught flies with, since he had left it hanging open in shock for too long.

"That's bucking disgusting!" He protested, but he didn't really care that much in the end.

At least it was magically delicious and probably, nutritious. He was trying to decide what the flavor of it was, when he suddenly got the feeling that someone or something was staring at him. He looked down and spotted a totally not suspicious looking bologna sandwich lying on the pink earth under his scaled feet, with tiny weeds growing out of its surface.

"What the buck…" He muttered. _"I really hope that this is just one of those weird wet dreams I have, after reading those books about masturbation techniques that Twilight keeps in the Library before bed again. The only thing I can remember is that it said, 'firmly grasp it.' Why did I just hear some idiot's voice saying that in my head? For some reason, I keep picturing the voice belonging to a pink starfish?" _Spike wondered mentally, shaking his head in an attempt to clear his increasingly foggy mind.

"It must be a side effect of this pubic air I've been breathing. I need to find a way out. But first, I think I'll pick up this weed sandwich."

Just the simple act of the baby dragon saying that, caused the bologna previously on the sandwich to poof out of existence with a sloppy, wet fart noise. It was oddly similar to fairy wands when they have no more magic in them, because the fact that he didn't include it in his description of the contents of the sandwich meant that it must have never been there, in the first place. Once Spike picked up the sandwich, he decided to eat it and nothing happened for a few minutes afterwards, as if the whole world was holding its breath. It was actually, just Spike holding his breath for way too long and passing out before he could find out what the mysterious weedy, drug ground sandwich would do to him.

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He blinked to steady his vision, and continued preparing the bologna sandwich that he had been making all this time. All of that previous bullshit had never happened, since it was just a daydream Spike had, while he was making himself a delicious sammich. What caused this funky fresh daydream, you ask? Why, it was just a cowpony named Applejack smoking a pipe full of weed and nostril shavings like a true nibba.

Spike was sure that one day he would be able to plant a garden of his own, but until then, he would…fuck it, he's planting a garden right now, I lied. He added the seeds to Twilight's garden and sighed, as she moaned in ecstasy. He put away the spade and went inside. After tending to the soil in the lavender unicorn's vegetable patch, he was damn thirsty. He poured himself a nice glass of liquid anal rape juice and sipped it like a true gentleman, by splashing it all over his body.

Twilight continued moaning, outside. Apparently, she was REALLY turned on by plants. "They're so LEAFY and GREEN!" She grunted, in her defense.

What did you think I meant, when I said that Spike planted a garden?

You guys are all perverts, seriously.

**The End.**


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